Author - Naval Langa
THE CHEST PAIN has subsided, but coughing has not. It keeps me feeling
like I am on a rock and going to fall in a valley. Mama is reading something.
Good. Otherwise, she would sing her song, targeting me: it’s all your doing.
Other three faces are sitting silently as if they have come to see me for the last
time.
“We need one
person to talk with. Who is the patient’s near relative?” Two nurses with
interchangeable heads come inside. Looking at the walls, one of them asks anyone
of us who wants to answer. I fail to decipher what she means by the term ‘near
relative’. But I am sure that all the persons encircling my cot have understood
the meaning, as they are looking at each other. Everyone seems unwilling to be
my near relative. My mother seems unaware of it, perhaps, as she is struck by
the incidents taking place in her daughter’s life.
At the age of
thirty-eight, I cannot be my mother’s responsibility. Nor she is capable to
help me, too. But she has carved out a firm belief: had I been living with my
husband, there would have not occurred such a painful situation.
“He was not a
man to be left so gracelessly.” My elder brother opens his mouth. That is what
he believes and says in front of my relatives, my maternal uncle and aunt, too.
“Do you know
Rekha, how much your operation would cost?” My maternal uncle passes hand on
his increasing bald, trying to educate me about the billing pattern of doctors.
His chartered accountant-ship has made him a near relative of the figures only.
He cites figures in thousands only, omitting three zeroes. In fact, his whole
vocabulary is targeted at me. But missing the target, it frightens my mother.
It is as clear
as tears that my bank balance is too weak to bear the blows to come from the
doctor’s billing computer. Nor my employers are in a mood to pay even a penny
for my hospitalised expenses. They are modern-minded; they are quite
professional, and they want to reduce manpower. My illness may provide them
with a good pretext to throw me out.
“You are
required to deposit the amount by tomorrow morning.” The doctors, I have
heard so, hardly involve a patient in the hard talks about the diseases. But on
failing to locate any near relative of mine, an assistant doctor tells me about
three options of payment: in cash, by a cheque, or through a credit card. If I
add all the three means, it would hardly be the half amount needed. And I am
still sane; so I am unable to fantasize that a saviour from the sky would come
and pay the bill for making my heart suitable to last longer.
“If you still
don’t undergo the surgery…” The chief doctor had not completed the sentence.
But I am sure he meant that without doing the operation I would be a gone case.
“Bye-pass
surgery is too costly.” My brother leaves the room.
“It’s all your
doing.” Mama is still displeased for my past behaviour.
*****
I was assisting
my executive director in those days. “I like neat administrator like you.” That
was what Sunil told me in a narrow lounge of the Hotel where our company held
meetings with its clients. I took his words as a simple pat on my back. If
taken in another way, it was subtle flirting, too.
“You’re
generous, Mr Sunil.”
“No. I am
serious, Ms. Rekha.”
It was early
January. He was in a neat blue suit and my not-so-thin body experienced a
tremble, even within a woollen wrapper. The season changed. Warmth replaced the
cold. My company issued me a licence to meet Mr. Sunil, the top
industrialist in the city, at any time I can get his appointment. The genuine
invitations for dinner replaced our professional meetings. And by the end of
June, the day came on which we were accepting wedding gifts in the Reception
Hall of the same hotel where Sunil and I had met for one simple business
meeting.
*****
“Rekha, we do
not talk so loudly among friends as you talk.” The reference to the friends was
secondary. Primary was his emphasis on ‘we’ and ‘you’. Within the spell of five
kilometres, the distance between the party hall and our home, he educated me
about the precise meaning of the words ‘we’ and ‘you’. He counted all the
incidents where I had behaved like a middle-class woman.
The axe had made
its mark. Only the blood was to come out. It came out on the day of our first
wedding anniversary. It was an arid event of showing heartless joy and talking about stereotype matters regarding Sunil’s business and friends. I had not insisted on the presence of my personal friends. Nor did he talk about my invitees.
“You know Rekha,
these people rule the whole city’s economy.”
“Sunil, do you
expect me to discuss the economy? It is our first wedding anniversary.”
“Yes, and that’s
why I have gifted you a new car.”
“I do not need a
car for going to my office.”
“Rekha you don’t
need to go to the office at all. It’s a middle-class mentality. Better you
manage our purchase department.”
******
My nightmare did
not last long.
“We should talk
about a child.”
“Good.” I was
not as cold as he thought, perhaps.
“Rekha, It’s
impossible to look after a child and attend the office.”
“There are
millions of working mothers.”
“All from the
middle class.”
“Stop it Sunil.
I’m fed up with this.” I might have shouted.
The days passed
and we were not husband and wife, virtually. We were not a family, too. Merely
sleeping in one bedroom does not make a man and a woman a family. The day
of decision was to come, sooner or later. It came sooner.
“Choose between
a child the job.” Sunil was not in two minds.
To have a child
was not my dislike. I still want to be a mother, a good mother. But under the
circumstances, my choice was simple. I decided against trusting a man who was
unable to bear the independent income of his wife. I had my mother, a brother,
and a house built up by my father to go back. They all became my enemies from
that day.
Two years passed
making the distance between ‘we’ and ‘you’ wider. I had heard, that too from my
brother, that Sunil was preparing divorce papers. But there was no
communication.
*****
My near or the
distant relatives would not come today. Mama might come at noon. So I feel
relieved. But the hardest thing was yet to come. A nurse informs me about a
visitor. I thought about someone from my office. Before the visitor comes, the
assistant doctor stands in the middle of the door, without looking at me.
“It’s time for
the final deposit. Who is the patient’s near relative?”
“I am her
nearest relative.”
A man with the
words of authority enters the scene.
He stops near
the doctor for a handshake. First thing I can see is his neat blue suit, and
then the well-polished shoes. He is the man whom I had met the first time at
the hotel where my company held meetings for its clients. He is the man who had
told me that ‘I like neat administrator like you.’
He drags the
stool nearer and sits.
“Sunil, who told
you…”
“No. Heart
patients are not allowed to talk more, you know.”
He looks weaker,
eyes pail, face ageing. It is almost two years I saw him last time. The vigour
that handles his business single-handedly is missing. But the lively voice
marks his presence, effectively. The doctor goes away. Sunil avoids talking
about who informed him about my illness and everything.
“In fact, I want
to get a second opinion about it, the bye-pass.”
“It’s up to you,
dear. But I have arranged one week’s vacation. And this room is comfortable for
a patient and one attendant. Isn’t it?”
Half an hour of
his being here wipes out the factors of time and space, which have run between
us. From the window I believed as closed, the brightness of the sun enters. It
turns the air warmer. It makes the patient’s room more comfortable for seeing
the man’s face clearly.
Sunil’s hand is on my head, fondling my hair.
END
[Image courtesy Mary Vaux Walcott, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons]